Should have stuck with the TLL

I was planning on taking the kids to the Toy Lending Library this morning, but once I woke up, I just wasn't feeling up to driving that far, and I asked Jack if he'd be okay with going to the play area at the mall instead. Turns out, he preferred that, so off we went to Simon Kidgets Clubhouse. The kids were playing nicely there, though after the last time we went there, Abigail has been a bit freaked out by any little boys other than Jack. There was one African American boy, maybe a little older than her, who kept hugging her and kissing her, and he just wouldn't let her alone, and finally, she broke down screaming-- for the next minute or two until we hightailed it out.

Today, there was a boy, maybe six or seven, who began agitating Abigail from the moment he arrived. It appeared that he liked getting a rise out of her, so he got closer to her face and started making scary faces. I asked him, very politely, if he would please not do that because she didn't like it. He would hurry to get up the few steps to the slide, past Abigail, and once he got on the slide, he would inch down so slowly that Abigail couldn't go down. He turned and saw her, delighted that she was getting frustrated. So I asked him, again purposefully loud enough so that his mother could hear, if he could please go down the slide so that the baby could have a turn. His mother, not paying a bit of attention to her son or the goings-on of the play area, texted or played something on her phone the entire time. Her son continued to torment the other kids as well, cutting them off and getting in their faces. Each time he would disregard what I'd say, he'd look at me, with a smirk, as if to say, whatcha gonna do about it? I asked him nice and loud about five times to not do this or that to Abigail. His final time down the slide, he hurried past her on the stairs again, almost knocking her down, then he purposefully kept backing up into her, with his elbow jabbing harder and harder into her grimacing face, so I quickly grabbed his arm to pull it away from her face and said, very sternly this time, as I was getting truly agitated with this mindless child and his neglectful mother, to leave my daughter alone.

His mother didn't miss a beat that time. She was standing right by me, yelling hysterically, "He is autistic! I just watched you reprimand my son." She stood and just stared, dumbfounded at me for a few seconds. "He is autistic! I can't believe people like you!" Was this common knowledge? I tried to interject, politely, again, that I was very sorry but I had asked him, so that she could hear five times but that she was paying no attention. She heard nothing I said though as she was reaming me out, shaking with rage. How was I supposed to know? There was nothing about him that said autistic to me- he acted like a bunch of the kids I see at the Toy Lending Library every week, whose mothers simply grab a book and check out for an hour or two. Perhaps I should have gone and jerked the cell phone out of the woman's hand so she could see what was going on right in front of her.

As the lunatic woman collected her son, who had been just fine this whole time until the hyper scene she was making probably scared him, and he started to wail, I said, "Will you just listen to me for a second?" because she cut off everything I tried to say to her. She just barked, "No! I feel sorry for people like you. You just yelled at my autistic son (I most certainly did not yell, but I talked with authority the FIFTH time). He's autistic. People like you! I pity you!!" And the two of them ran out, with the boy wailing and banging the sides of his head. The other people in the play area just watched. They had heard me ask the boy several times to please not get so close to Abigail's face and make scary faces at her, etc. I could feel the hot tears welling behind my eyes, and I just tried to hold it in until we could get to the bathroom. Sure, if I had known he was autistic, that would have completely changed how I responded. Do autistic kids get to do whatever they want just because they have a disease? If I had an autistic child, I sure as heck would be keeping a close eye on him and trying to steer him correctly, and I'd probably want to let other mothers know he was autistic if he continued to do things that warranted apologies.

There's no telling what poor Jack must have thought while that whole scene was taking place. I wasn't really watching his reaction, but he knew something wasn't right, and when I told him that it was time to go, he hurried out ahead of me, when he usually has to say goodbye to each individual piece of equipment. Tears have been coming a lot more easily to me this pregnancy, and once we got to the bathroom, I was a blubbering mess. "Do you not feel really well, Mama? Are you sad? Maybe hugs and kisses will make you feel much better?" And they did.

I just needed more on the way home, when, in my absent-mindedness, I pulled in front of the entrance to some bank parking lot or something while waiting for a stop light. I made eye contact with a woman in a van across the street, who was motioning her arms forward, trying to tell me something. I looked confused and rolled down my window. She rolled her eyes at me, and VERY agitatedly said, "He wants to turn there!" She motioned her arms again, like I should move forward to allow space for the man who was trying to turn into the parking lot (behind me, so I couldn't see who she was talking about). I yelled back, "Oh! Sorry!" and moved forward, but it was too late by then, and traffic was already movng. The woman rolled her eyes so hard at me, again, I thought she was going to snap her neck. "Merry Christmas to you too!"

Rollier's Hardware was on our way home. I was really in need of some Christmas cheer, so I decided that we'd stop in for a few minutes to see the Christmas village display with the trains and lights and moving skiers and ice skaters, etc, which absolutely transfix Jack. We walked back to the huge display, which is about four feet off of the ground. Since my back has been really bothering me lately, I told Jack he could stand in the back of the cart just so he could see the village for a minute of two, but then, he'd have to walk again. We were standing there, perfectly still, just watching the train with Santa go by, when an older woman came by and started giving me nasty looks. So I smiled at her, and she continued her glare and shook her head at me. "You know he could fall out of that cart and break his head. They're not supposed to stand up back there." I told her I was holding on tight to him and that he just wanted to see the train for a minute. But I felt more tears coming, so we booked it out of there too.

I think it'll be a few days before I can bring myself out into the public again. Unfortunately, Mike will be in California the next couple of days, so I think I we'll have to venture out for me to stay sane. I need some love.

happy thanksgiving to you and yours, with feeling

,It seems I am finally over that mean flu now, without any other takers. I think I may have gotten it from Mike, but his was a lot milder with no vomiting, thank goodness. I managed to lose 6 lbs over the past day and a half, and I've been trying to up my intake, so I hope my stomach will be back to normal by tomorrow. We're packing up our red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and heading to Maryland for a nice long weekend with the family and looking forward to yummy food, decorating a big Christmas tree, listening to wonderful music (a holiday tradition- Alice's Restaurant, no doubt), meeting our niece and cousin, Zoe, etc.-- my parents are going to have a jam-packed house, with two kids sleeping in closets (they're big closets). This is only the start of large-family holidays though, as next year, we'll be adding two more, who won't yet require much space.

Mike has been absolutely SWAMPED with his two(+) jobs lately and leaves for a mini-business-trip on Tuesday to California and returns very early Thursday morning. Fortunately, all of the rush on his end wraps up on Dec. 9, and I'm looking forward to that day with stars in my eyes (though still trying to enjoy the hectic days in between). When we return from Maryland-- where we'll help my parents put up and decorate their large Christmas tree-- I plan on decorating this place and getting ourselves ready for the wonderful season of Advent and Christmas.

May everyone have a blessed holiday, with a Thanksgiving dinner that can't be beat.

light-up night, etc.

Jack was so excited to take the train downtown to light-up night last night. "Yay! I get to ride the train!"

We got a little later start because I had to clean up an almost-full gallon can of paint that Abigail had knocked on the wood floor and rug of the dining room (from the dining room table). It was my fault for not putting it right away before I went to get them from naps because I'm always distracted with so many things once they're up. But it cleaned up nicely, so no big deal.

We had dinner at Moe's- a mexican place- and then went to see where the big tree was now lit in the middle of the ice rink. Santa was waving to people, so we put Jack way up in the dirt base of a gigantic potted plant, along with some other little people so he could see better. I wish I'd had our video camera. He was enthralled by the huge lit tree and had a big grin on his face. I had brought my camera, but it's too big, and I have grown weary of adjusting so many settings each time I'm going to snap some photos. So I have no photos. But by the time we saw the tree and I asked what time it was and Mike answered "seven forty," we decided we had to race back to the 'T' station, where we got on the next 47L and headed home. We normally start getting the kids ready for bed at 8, so at 8:30, when we were nearing our stop, we had a tired and fussy Abigail, in need of a diaper change. Little did we realize, we were in the back car, which is, apparently, the wrong car if you want to get off at in-between stops. So we had to get off two stops past our stop. Mike ran back a mile to get the van, while I changed Abigail as quickly as I could on the cold bench of the station (on her mat), and tried to keep her happy. Jack was just thrilled to be at a train station and occupied himself pretending to be a train conductor or something like that.

Other than Mike having a super-high blood sugar, the remainder of our trip home was uneventful, but now Abigail and I are sick. I've been achey and faint mostly, and I think Abigail's might be related to a lack of sleep. I need to get one of those otoscopes so I can see when the kids have ear infections. Gail's nap has been very interrupted by her crying. It's so sad.

I guess seeing my mom's lights and garland on their banaster when we went to Maryland last week made feel like I should start decorating myself. I love decorating the house this time of year and making the house smell like frazier fur and pine, cranberries and apple and pumpkin pies. We also want to start a few Advent traditions this year, since Jack is getting to where he might get something out of it. I think we'll do a Jesse Tree and maybe celebrate St. Nicholas Day. I've gotten some inspiration from Christmas and Advent sites-- any suggestions for activities to do with younger kids?

flickr photos

It's easy to see that we've added pictures, but-- we've added pictures to flickr from pulling up the garden, an attempt at holiday pictures (Gail wasn't having it, and I have since trimmed Jack's hair) and our first Play-Doh experiences this morning (Abigail recoiled every time she touched it, so she stuck with the containers)- just click on the widget on the right. It's more difficult (at least for me to remember the steps) to upload pictures right here, and I will, just not as many.

on weaning, and substitutions

Shortly after discovering we were pregnant, we decided to wean Abigail. I was planning to continue to nurse her at least up to 15 months, and past that, until she wanted to still and we found out we were pregnant. We discovered that when she was 15 1/2 months. She was completely weaned at 16 1/2 months, and it was a whole lot easier than I'd expected. The process was getting kind of tiresome for me, as she would ONLY nurse in her room for at most 5 minutes on only one side, and she seemed more and more frustrated with it too, maybe because my supply had gotten so low.

We substituted a pacifier, which she'd never used before, and that seemed to satisfy her. All on her own, she picked out one of the blankets in her crib and made it a favorite, affectionally calling it, "Mimeh." I need to get a video of her self-soothing process-- it is so sweet. She pops her pacifier in and finds Mimeh. Then she finds an edge of the blanket, carefully wraps it around one finger to make a nice, little point and sticks it practically up her nose or in one of her ears and rubs it all around in circles- in her ears and back to her nose, etc.. If we're holding her, she sometimes tries to stick it in our ears. Her breathing gets heavy, and her body gets completely relaxed. She does that every time I pick her up and cuddle with her and her blanket or put her in her crib for bed or nap times. Whenever she's even upset or hurt, she cries out "Mimeh!" I mangaged to steal the filthy thing away for two hours today in order to wash it. She kept asking for it, and I tried to give her other ones, but she'd just cry and throw them on the floor. As soon as it was finished drying, I handled it to her, and she spent a few minutes just lying on the floor with her face barried in it, making small sounds of relief. We need to get a back-up, but I haven't seen any like it. It was one of my siblings' or mine when we were little.

changed my mind

Changing seems to be a theme lately. Perhaps I should have changed my title to something like Girl, Indecisive or The Accounts of a Flighty Mind, or something like that. I give myself permission to change this name or make a variation of it in the next few days, as I only just thought of it as I lie in bed, unable to sleep this morning. My mind has been a cloudy lump of mashed potatoes-- kind of useless as of late.

The kids and I were driving around yesterday, and I saw a store I had never seen before-- who knows how long that specific store had been there-- we drive past it all of the time-- but the sign in front, the name of the store, inspired me to change the name of the blog. It's less than a month old anyway (not that I would do this to a child). The store-- More Than Words-- specializes in "Chic Invitations, Personalized Stationary, Unique Gifts and More." Wouldn't want anyone to be confused, so I'm getting out while I have the chance. I suppose blog names can't really be unique anymore, but at least I won't have to drive past mine at least once a week. One of the first names I liked was "this little life," and I then Googled it and found that someone had not only the same title for their Wordpress blog but the same exact theme with which I was currently experimenting.

I wasn't all that attached to more than words. Maybe that's why I was so glad to have found More Than Words. I feel like all of my life, I have tried so hard to please those around me, I've been far too concerned of others' opinions. More and more on my mind has been the need to please God and not the world-- to let go of the concerns of this passing life in order to find true life. So I think this new title is more personal to me. I'm kind of fond of it.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." ~Matthew 10:39

*update (before even hitting "Publish"!)- I just changed my mind again. The previous title I had was losing life-- sounds too defeated. I'll find it instead. And I like the double meaning of being pro-life. I know there are a lot of things that already have this or similar titles, but for some reason, I'm okay with it this time.

changing diapers

We've used Kushies all-in-one cloth diapers since Jack was born. That was the first thing I was introduced to and never really looked around to see what other options were out there, as far as cloth diapering. Since the Kushies have long been losing their water-proof layering, and the kids (esp. Abigail) have been developing pretty bad rashes whenever wearing them, I decided to seek help, especially since there's another diaper-wearer in the works. Thanks to a couple of friends who have offered advice, Pittsburgh Cloth Diapers and the internet, I think I'm now equipped with a plethora of useful info. And we've to decided to at least try prefolds with covers as our main diapering system, barring I can get the hang of it all.

For covers, we'll use a mix of recycled wool (wool sweaters, mostly from Goodwill that I'll sew into soakers, longies, etc.), homemade knits, and pre-mades or gently used at a discount (I've already scored several on ebay). I may even try sewing some of my own diapers, but I'm holding until some of my motivation returns. I have been EXHAUSTED lately and have been using most of the kids' nap times for that very purpose. Last week, I did manage one productive day of transforming one recycled sweater into two soakers and one pair of longies-- and was surprised to find how easy they were to make. Store-bought wool covers can be upwards of $30 or $40. One $3sweater made three. They are my first, so they're rough around the edges, but they turned out usable and kind of cute (I used the soakers and longies patterns found here). The bottom soaker, I messed up and sewed the waist on the outside of the body, but it's still a clean edge and looks alright. It's not a baptismal gown.

And, to help replenish our new cloth diaper stock, I sold what was still in fair condition (12) of the Kushies (being fully explicit about their stained, worn and leaking condition) and got more than $100. WHO would want these? Just take them off of my hands.

payday

Jack finally earned his reward today: his favorite book, Cars and Trucks and Things That Go. Some of you may know that this means he did his business on the potty. He insisted on calling Mike at work to tell him. And has been scrutinizing the pages since he won it. Maybe potty-training is not as far off as it seems.

goodbye Blogger. for real.

Finally, here is the new blog. I won't be posting on The House of Jack and Gail anymore, so change your links and feeds. The new address is http://sketchbooksnapshots.com/blog/.

gumdrop

Actually, he's more the size of a grape right now (I use "he" generically). We had a date-determining ultrasound this morning, and while the nurse at my appointment on Thursday said she'd estimate I was about 8 weeks, the measurements at the ultrasound suggested I am closer to 10 weeks- 10 weeks tomorrow, with a due date of June 2. So maybe we'll have a May baby, since both of our kids have come early so far-- 5 and 2 (8 if we went by lmp) days. The pictures didn't capture the cuteness that we saw on the screen of tiny arms and legs swimming around and a most-remarkable noggin, but I'll have Mike scan one or two later tonight to add baby 3's first photo here. Maybe then I'll get a walk-through of adding a photo to a post.

hello, wordpress

I've been brewing ideas for this blog in my head for a few months now but didn't actually start anything with setting this one up or even acquiring an address until yesterday-- Sunday. I've been running titles around in my head until this afternoon. I couldn't very well stick with The House of Jack and Gail, as our house is expanding, and I don't think it fits to keep tacking names to the end of it. This was actually one of the first things I thought of, and since then, I've had five or six that I thought were it, but I ultimately returned to more than words, which is inspired by 1 John 3:18-- "My children, let us now love in word, neither with the tongue, but in deed and truth." I hope that the every-day actions of our family speak to the truth and that we can be a light, in our own little way.

After preparing a Wordpress.com blog a few weeks ago and realizing I couldn't have any of the themes I liked advertized as "free Wordpress themes" (I entertained designing my own, but I thought it would be ever-so-much-more practical to find one I liked and take it, since I have no programming know-how), Mike explained to me the difference between Wordpress.com and Wordpress.org. Confusing. More confusing was when he explained to me that I could have a Wordpress.org blog (and a theme I liked) using the same host that supports sketchbooksnapshots.com (which, coninidentally, we do pay for) in terms that didn't stick with me. So I said, "Have at it" and stood back as he typed. And here you have my new blog- thank you, my Sweet. I am already much more pleased with it. Though I have not yet figured out how to upload pictures, among other things, so be patient while I become accostomed to this new interface.