Mother Daughter retreat, musings on discerning God's will

Some friends were going on a "Confident and Connected" mother-daughter retreat last weekend, and it was being offered at half-price, so since we had the weekend free, I signed Iris and I up (Iris's friend was also going).

The retreat was at La Salle Manor Retreat Center in Plano, IL, about 2 hr, 20 mins from here.

The dorms, added in 1960.

We got there at night, on one of the coldest days of the year (it was -7, real temp, when we got there at 5:30 pm), so it was dark, and we didn't venture outside other than to and from our car. And when we left the following night, it was also dark. Therefore, I didn't get any outdoor pictures, but here are some pictures I found online of the retreat center in spring and fall. It looks like a lovely place. It certainly was inside!

We carpooled with our friends and got there around 5:30 last Friday evening.

As soon as we got there, we put our belongings in our rooms. We each got our own little cozy cell. *Love*

When we came down from our rooms, Jenny, the retreat leader, had us write one word- how we were feeling at that moment- on a white board. Carol and I had come down a little after the girls, but we got our words in mind and then headed to sit down at the couches with them to write our words on our boards. And as soon as we got there, I saw Eva's word- "Optimistic" and that it was the same exact word I was going to write. I told them and said I was going to write it anyway. And then Carol almost screamed when she saw Iris's word, which was the same as the word she was planning to write- "Excited." What a coincidence. We had to get a picture together after our "pre-retreat shot."

Daylight

I wish I'd had a different child with me for this session, "Navigating Difficult Conversations." ;-P But I did take notes and brought all of these helpful props home to hopefully have another one-on-one session with said other child.

Friends!

Such cozy spaces for our quiet times

We had a lot of our group sessions in this room.

The view from above

The quaint chapel

More friends!

At the end of the retreat, Jenny had us again write a word we were feeling <3

The whole crew

...Truly a blessed weekend. It was one of those times I really felt God's presence. I have been discerning a significant call within our parish, if it is something God really wants of me, if it's something I can commit to and still be fully present to my family, or, if not, if I should decline. Being a people-pleaser, I have often struggled with saying no, but I have said no to this very call before, as it was not the right time to commit that much time outside of family. But during one of the retreat sessions in particular, I could hear God speaking directly to me, that my answer should be yes. That He wanted to use me in this way in our parish.

So, that was a huge gift, and I felt very grateful for that clear answer to prayer, but I still had doubts. Doubts about my own abilities to fulfil this task, fears about my inadequacies and shortcomings as a person. My troubles, especially in recent years, with articulating things clearly, with being confident praying or speaking in front of a group. But little by little, God has been asking me to get out of my comfort zone. Begrudgingly, I have. I was the speaker at our parish-wide Encounter Night a few months ago, sharing my testimony for 17 minutes in front of our church, with a microphone. And people came up to me afterwards and told me how they were blessed by my words. God can use anyone He choses. It's not about me.

But God knew how those fears kept creeping back, and the very next day, after we returned from the retreat, I "happened" to turn on a talk on the Hallow app, which I've been listening to a lot lately. This one happened to be Lisa Cotter. I don't even remember what it was on, but it directly addressed my fears in that moment. And told me exactly what I needed to hear. Of course it did. What a good God we have.

And I let the next talk play because I didn't want God to stop talking to me. And in it, he addressed another of the topics that's been on my mind so much lately- mission. I've been hearing so much of the corporal works of mercy, wondering if I am doing what God wants of me here... should we, as a family, be looking into mission work- the kind of selfless work that one sees in work camps and soup kitchens. Our kids do have opportunities to do these things once in a while at Love Begins Here and helping out with the Luke House downtown on occasion, but should we be more involved? Should we be doing mission work on a large scale? Should we be traveling to an impoverished country?

Lisa's next talk further solidified that the 'yes' God had asked of me during the retreat was no small thing and that that was to be my mission work for the time He desired. And a very real mission field with real people with whom to evangelize. It is kind of scary. I mean, really scary. I'm not one to go up to people and start conversations. But, as I mentioned, God has given me opportunities to practice this the past year or two, and when I look back, it's really amazing how God works. At the OCIA retreat in the fall, I taught three men how to pray the Rosary who had never prayed it before on a Rosary walk. One of those men came up to me after my testimony and told me what in impact that had made on him. He and his wife and three children were all being baptized into the church in a couple of weeks! We were able to attend and are in close contact with them.

When I got home and looked again at the papers I'd been given, the description read "mission training program designed to equip everyday Catholics to evangelize through authentic relationships, focusing on bringing the Gospel into daily life, work, and neighborhoods... aims to train laypeople to become effective, 'missionary disciples' by nurturing a deeper prayer life and increased confidence and zeal for sharing their faith... The approach is modeled after Jesus' method, which involves mentoring a small group of disciples who then spread the gospel message to others, effectively creating a 'disciple-making movement.'" So my feeling of not doing enough mission work? God was making it abundantly clear to my obtuse brain that, besides being a wife and mom, this was it. This was to be my mission field.

If you've gotten this far, then thanks for sticking around to hear my thoughs. I used to journal all the time- and write more when I blogged- and I haven't done that in a while, so it's nice when I have the time to get down what I'm thinking. I like to look back on what younger me has written, to see how I've grown and perhaps changed. Maybe I'll return here some day. Until then...

The end of Lent

As I regaled you in my last Florida post, I have, appropriately, had a very Lenty end of Lent. But here is some of the in-between, since my mid-Lent update.

Abigail's art was one of nine chosen to be displayed at our dr's office.

This one had a run-in with her changing table door.

We got to see an incredible performance of Newsies put on by St. Ambrose Catholic School. We were all singing it for days.

Abby started track- she has daily practice after school, so we sadly see even less of her.

Jack and Abby attended our parish's Lenten retreat. I'm so grateful for these friends.

March poetry teatime

Dutch babies

This boy has been requesting these for weeks.

Ninjas

My painting partner

Shells painted by Abby

Breakfast with Grandma and Grandpais always a blast.

Making a Sunday treat

Friends took Toby and Joel to Urban Air, a local indoor theme park.

Examining shells we brought home from Florida

The kids' new favorite game- Picture Code Names

Still not feeling good and my taste off, I decided to take a test. Immediate positive 👎

I was gifted a day of rest and reflection in my room, a retreat of sorts. I am so grateful for my big girls who took the wheel for the day, allowing Mike to return to his work.

Now we have reached the end of Lent and rejoice in Our Risen Savior! I pray that everyone reading had a fruitful Lent. Thank you, God, for the gift of your Son, for all of us, unworthy as we are.

remembering Honey

Honey at 17 with baby Jack with baby Abigail giving Abigail a "thought" listening to tics with baby Iris trying to coax baby Opal to her with Opal's Giggy (blanket) My parents told me how I gave my grandmother the name "Honey" when I was little after I heard my grandfather calling her that. And it stuck with all of the grandkids. Well, it was a name that surely fit her super-sweet disposition!

Honey has always held a prominent place in my heart. Maybe it was because of the way she always made me feel like I was the most special person in the world to her when I was with her, and I think she made others feel the same way. I loved going to her house as a child (and as an adult) and often cried when it was time to leave. I loved showing her my artwork or schoolwork, as she'd always make such a big deal out of them. She was so kind-- one of the sweetest, gentlest, and most loving people I have ever known. And also one of the most faithful. She taught me a lot about God just in the way that she lived, though she often spoke about God, too- his love for us and the importance being a good person. She seemed to take every opportunity to share that faith with us all, to tell us how special we were in God's eyes, and I am so thankful to her for all of the prayers that I know she lifted for me and my family over the years.

I will never forget about Honey--
     how much she LOVED to play games- the hours we spent at her table playing Scrabble, Rummikub, Rook, Quiddler, Five Crowns, and so many others... her table, which was always brimming with food, even when we'd show up at her house close to midnight, how she was always trying to get us to eat, and how it pleased her so when we would... how much she loved family and took such interest in each member (she made personalized binders for each of the grandchildren with all of the things she'd received from us over the years)... how she loved Christmas and giving gifts- she'd always have a lot of "little thoughts" for us under her fragrant tree... how she liked to write- she wrote me some short stories that she gave to me in a notebook- all with a clear moral at the end... her and Granddaddy's mountain house, where she was always so happy to watch family come and go and enjoy the activities and surroundings... the joy children brought to her, and how she'd cradle them... how she'd let me have milk in a bottle and rock me in her arms like a baby long after I was a baby... the egg hunts we would have on Easter, and how much enjoyment she got from handing out all of the prizes... how she'd stand by the stove in her housecoat in the mornings, making bacon and sausage and cheese biscuits and grits... her sweet, southern accent and the way she called me "Kale Kale"... how she'd let us play dress up with her clothes and jewelry... the way she told stories about days past, the funny things she would remember and just be tickled, sometimes to tears... the way she and Granddaddy spoke to each other so lovingly- they were perfect for each other... the way she gave long, tight hugs...

She will be dearly missed by all, but by the way she lived her life, there was no question about where she was going. And I look forward to be reunited with my sweet grandmother again one day.

Here is her obituary. She would have been 86 years old a week from today.