Mother Daughter retreat, musings on discerning God's will

Some friends were going on a "Confident and Connected" mother-daughter retreat last weekend, and it was being offered at half-price, so since we had the weekend free, I signed Iris and I up (Iris's friend was also going).

The retreat was at La Salle Manor Retreat Center in Plano, IL, about 2 hr, 20 mins from here.

The dorms, added in 1960.

We got there at night, on one of the coldest days of the year (it was -7, real temp, when we got there at 5:30 pm), so it was dark, and we didn't venture outside other than to and from our car. And when we left the following night, it was also dark. Therefore, I didn't get any outdoor pictures, but here are some pictures I found online of the retreat center in spring and fall. It looks like a lovely place. It certainly was inside!

We carpooled with our friends and got there around 5:30 last Friday evening.

As soon as we got there, we put our belongings in our rooms. We each got our own little cozy cell. *Love*

When we came down from our rooms, Jenny, the retreat leader, had us write one word- how we were feeling at that moment- on a white board. Carol and I had come down a little after the girls, but we got our words in mind and then headed to sit down at the couches with them to write our words on our boards. And as soon as we got there, I saw Eva's word- "Optimistic" and that it was the same exact word I was going to write. I told them and said I was going to write it anyway. And then Carol almost screamed when she saw Iris's word, which was the same as the word she was planning to write- "Excited." What a coincidence. We had to get a picture together after our "pre-retreat shot."

Daylight

I wish I'd had a different child with me for this session, "Navigating Difficult Conversations." ;-P But I did take notes and brought all of these helpful props home to hopefully have another one-on-one session with said other child.

Friends!

Such cozy spaces for our quiet times

We had a lot of our group sessions in this room.

The view from above

The quaint chapel

More friends!

At the end of the retreat, Jenny had us again write a word we were feeling <3

The whole crew

...Truly a blessed weekend. It was one of those times I really felt God's presence. I have been discerning a significant call within our parish, if it is something God really wants of me, if it's something I can commit to and still be fully present to my family, or, if not, if I should decline. Being a people-pleaser, I have often struggled with saying no, but I have said no to this very call before, as it was not the right time to commit that much time outside of family. But during one of the retreat sessions in particular, I could hear God speaking directly to me, that my answer should be yes. That He wanted to use me in this way in our parish.

So, that was a huge gift, and I felt very grateful for that clear answer to prayer, but I still had doubts. Doubts about my own abilities to fulfil this task, fears about my inadequacies and shortcomings as a person. My troubles, especially in recent years, with articulating things clearly, with being confident praying or speaking in front of a group. But little by little, God has been asking me to get out of my comfort zone. Begrudgingly, I have. I was the speaker at our parish-wide Encounter Night a few months ago, sharing my testimony for 17 minutes in front of our church, with a microphone. And people came up to me afterwards and told me how they were blessed by my words. God can use anyone He choses. It's not about me.

But God knew how those fears kept creeping back, and the very next day, after we returned from the retreat, I "happened" to turn on a talk on the Hallow app, which I've been listening to a lot lately. This one happened to be Lisa Cotter. I don't even remember what it was on, but it directly addressed my fears in that moment. And told me exactly what I needed to hear. Of course it did. What a good God we have.

And I let the next talk play because I didn't want God to stop talking to me. And in it, he addressed another of the topics that's been on my mind so much lately- mission. I've been hearing so much of the corporal works of mercy, wondering if I am doing what God wants of me here... should we, as a family, be looking into mission work- the kind of selfless work that one sees in work camps and soup kitchens. Our kids do have opportunities to do these things once in a while at Love Begins Here and helping out with the Luke House downtown on occasion, but should we be more involved? Should we be doing mission work on a large scale? Should we be traveling to an impoverished country?

Lisa's next talk further solidified that the 'yes' God had asked of me during the retreat was no small thing and that that was to be my mission work for the time He desired. And a very real mission field with real people with whom to evangelize. It is kind of scary. I mean, really scary. I'm not one to go up to people and start conversations. But, as I mentioned, God has given me opportunities to practice this the past year or two, and when I look back, it's really amazing how God works. At the OCIA retreat in the fall, I taught three men how to pray the Rosary who had never prayed it before on a Rosary walk. One of those men came up to me after my testimony and told me what in impact that had made on him. He and his wife and three children were all being baptized into the church in a couple of weeks! We were able to attend and are in close contact with them.

When I got home and looked again at the papers I'd been given, the description read "mission training program designed to equip everyday Catholics to evangelize through authentic relationships, focusing on bringing the Gospel into daily life, work, and neighborhoods... aims to train laypeople to become effective, 'missionary disciples' by nurturing a deeper prayer life and increased confidence and zeal for sharing their faith... The approach is modeled after Jesus' method, which involves mentoring a small group of disciples who then spread the gospel message to others, effectively creating a 'disciple-making movement.'" So my feeling of not doing enough mission work? God was making it abundantly clear to my obtuse brain that, besides being a wife and mom, this was it. This was to be my mission field.

If you've gotten this far, then thanks for sticking around to hear my thoughs. I used to journal all the time- and write more when I blogged- and I haven't done that in a while, so it's nice when I have the time to get down what I'm thinking. I like to look back on what younger me has written, to see how I've grown and perhaps changed. Maybe I'll return here some day. Until then...