the difference a year makes

After collecting Jack from preschool yesterday morning, I took the kids to the Science Center for a nice morning of free play away from home. While there, we were handed coupons for free hot chocolates from Eat 'n' Park, so what do I do after we finish our packed lunches in the Science Center cafeteria? We go to Eat 'n' Park, of course. Me and my gaggle of three, who did not take naps the day before. Not one of 'em. And Abigail's dress sleeves were soaked because she can't keep herself from practically going in head first at the water play station every time we go.

The three women who held the door open for us at Eat 'n' Park began their comments of what a wonder-mom I was (when you venture into the public eye with more than one child, you're suddenly a hero). I told them this didn't happen often, and was about to happen a lot less often, as Jack and Abigail kept weaving under foot of the waitresses milling past. "You have such a good handle on them." Are you watching my children? What handle? Lately, it seems they've been running away with the reigns. {But today, I laugh}


#1. Walking back to the car with Jack from school yesterday, another mother remarked to me how she had a teenager already. Her daughter waved her away, "Don't hold my hand, Mom!" I nodded, "I know what you mean." Just that morning, the boy had an utter m e l t d o w n because we wouldn't let him wear one of two sweatshirts that were dirty on his floor from being worn every single day last week. And we, heartless parents that we are, wouldn't allow him to don only a short-sleeve t-shirt in the middle of December. None of his seven or eight long sleeve shirts would be "cool enough." Come again? Just one of many adolescent moments lately.

#2. I have heard other moms' woes on the destructiveness of little boys. We've learned that they can be brutal with other family members, wild and rambunctious in public places and just do whatever they please when you're trying to get them to do the opposite, especially if missing consecutive daytime naps, but in our case the bulk of the property damage has been due to our middle child, a girl. On the past three days alone, she has spent nap time spreading moisturizer all over our bedroom- the carpet, the dresser, the bed, my clothes (at least she was attempting to clean it up once she was through her rampage), I've found her feet traced (fortunately in pencil, this time) on the tiles of the bathroom floor, she's stamped blue ink all over herself, her clothes and the dining room table, she's drenched a roll of toilet paper through with spit, and she's broken a little Mickey snow globe that she got over Thanksgiving- with her teeth (thank the Lord there were no injuries from that one!). And don't get me started on her spontaneous scream-wails. Mike and I agree this is the worst. possible. noise. Period.

#3. At Iris' 18-month check-up this morning, Doctor H observed, "We have a kitty." No, we have a Christmas tree that has insanely sharp needles. This morning, I was contemplating throwing her out on the street (the tree) for all the times I had to advise, "No touch. Just say 'Hi'." She wanted more than a wave and hello. Oh, here is a new development regression-- she, very authoritatively, sticks one or both of her hands up as she's yelling, "NO!" as if to halt our commands mid-air. She's got the attitude. And she's got to do things herself. She wants to feed herself yogurt with a spoon and go potty on the toilet. She wants to do everything her older siblings are doing. And usually, we indulge her. It's a problem.

These things aren't so bad or unusual, I know, but the past few days have been at times a real challenge, and I like to remember that our days were not always filled with picturesque trips to farms and museums, submissive, low-maintenance children, and patient, tireless parenting. We have the girls in the same room again, which makes for more nighttime wakings, and less sleep all around. We have a four-year-old going on fifteen. A teething and frustrated-at-times 18-month-old who wants desperately to be at least three. I fail daily and unleash my impatience and my stress. I raise my voice more than I'd like to admit.

But I'm at a much better place than I was last year around this time. I was heading into a winter depression, augmented by isolation and self neglect, perfectionism and self-consciousness, feelings of guilt and despair... I've come a long way through the support of family and like-family friends, and Christian counseling (Of which, I'm hopeful, I wrapped up my last session yesterday), and things are looking up. I (still) have an amazing husband who takes the kids on walks to look at Christmas lights when I've had long days and surprises me and does his best to show me and tell me how much he loves me on a daily basis. And those three terrors are mostly just great big lovebugs who just occasionally act like normal one and three and four-year-olds. I'm blessed. Exceedingly.

Above all, I have Christ, whose power is at its best in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). I can "lay aside every weight, and the sin which... so easily besets [me], and... run with patience the race that is set before [me], looking to Jesus the author and perfecter of [my] faith" (Hebrews 12:1-2).


Thank you for indulging me in this post.

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

mesmerized

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

making shadows

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

Extracting "swallowed" foreign objects (You wouldn't trust her to do it?)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

Newton air hockey

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

Finding Nemo

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

From 12/12/2011 (by Eye-Fi)

Here, my camera battery died.


We did get two compliments when we were done with our hot chocolate and cookies (they gave us those free, too)-- the old man who was sitting behind us, with whom Abigail kept flirting, and the woman who rang us up. They were actually pretty good, and quiet (their mouths were full, and they seemed to have run clean out of adrenaline at that point).